Every time I think something nice will happen, that maybe I’ll get a chance at love, the universe reminds me that it’s not going to happen for me and that I’m going to die alone.
Ways men opt out of housework and childcare by “helping out”
take on weekly or monthly tasks, and think it’s equal to their wives daily tasks (even when wives also have weekly and monthly tasks)
take on tasks that require very little time or hard labor, like mowing the lawn.
take on a “project” that could be fixed by a professional, and work on it little by little but never really finish
create chores for their children, i.e. delegate rather than doing
do housework only in tandem, i.e. never on their own or without help.
volunteer on their own for some disliked task. For example, cleaning the toilets without asking. unfortunately, this tends to be seen as very loving and exceptional. Often it will be used as an excuse not to do anything else
enthusiastically volunteer to do things often, then conveniently “forget”, “make plans”, or have some sort of weird parameter to get started. When wife or child does it instead, claim they were going to do it, really!
pick a jurisdiction they already enjoy, like “take care of dog” or “the yard”
do something really badly, so that someone else has to do it for them anyway afterwards
“tidy up” a mess they made
pick up or organize clutter, however the often stressful, emotional, and time consuming task of de-cluttering is left undone or for someone else
meticulous keep clean a space that is only theirs, i.e. their study, their garage.
create tasks that aren’t needed, like “organize the toolbox” or “rearrange the bookshelf”
do tasks that require prep work that their wives will do for them (i.e. grilling the food, but not planning, purchasing, seasoning or preparing the sides)
take control of “finances” but do very little, perhaps the taxes. this is also used as a way to control their wives often
use their time with their children to play or dole out discipline/lessons, but very little time on feeding/bathing/dressing or organizing their lives. this is also away men can create a “fun parent/mean parent” dynamic
make lists of what needs to get done, discuss what needs to get done with their wives, act very invested in the housework, take on a “manager” role in the housework, but do very little of it
tell wives that what little is done in the house, by either of them, is “enough” and that he “doesn’t care” what the house looks like (this is a l i e). i.e. doing little and then making an emotional appeal that it’s fine, co-opting the emotional labor his wife does for him, but actually it’s very manipulative
getting involved with children’s after school activities, i.e. being a coach, organizing a concert, etc. often a thing he already enjoys. often does very little of the organizing/plan making. often makes little effort to create time for his wife’s personal interests
pay attention to your fathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, boyfriends, husbands actions. you’ll start to see these constantly
When women say “But I like to be objectified! Doesn’t everybody, sometimes?” it used to annoy me, but now it just breaks my heart a little. Because she can’t disentangle being desired or loved from being treated like a thing. And she’s right. That’s the world we live in: We cannot conceptualize desiring a woman without dehumanizing her. That is sexuality under heteropatriarchy.
And what did Margaret Atwood say about women and girls internalizing the pornified, heterosexual male gaze and becoming their own voyeur. We are socialized to have a false conscious.
umm i need reassurance that my presence is wanted but i can’t ask for reassurance because that’s really Embarrassing and it wouldn’t feel genuine if i asked for it
A Chankiri Tree or Killing Tree was a tree in the Cambodian Killing Fields against which children and infants were smashed because their parents were accused of crimes against the Khmer Rouge. It was so the children “wouldn’t grow up and take revenge for their parents’ deaths”. Some of the soldiers laughed as they beat the children against the trees, as not laughing could have indicated sympathy, making oneself a target. (Source)
This is a reality for me and my family. My parents were lucky enough to escape the Khmai Rouge where my mother watched her family die and my father survived being left for dead by one of these soldiers.
Not many people know of the genocide that occurred in Cambodia. It’s not something they teach in schools. I had to learn of my family’s horrific past from those who were there when it happened.
For real though, the eurocentrism in schools (even in so-called “world history” classes) completely gloss over or out right ignore the other genocides and tragedies that have taken place.
If you want to learn more about the experiences during the Khmer Rouge, I highly recommend “First They Killed My Father.” Loung Ung’s experiences most parallel my mother’s, and you get to see the regime through a child’s eyes, which makes it all the more disturbing.
It’s really a fucking horrific indictment on humanity when u learn more more about Cambodia from punk music than from school 😔
